I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
