Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
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you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
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I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room