do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus