my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?