i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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