He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
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The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
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Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?