omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Dating After Heartbreak
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)