Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom