Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
