her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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