dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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