I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
