They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize