Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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