Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
