Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
