It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
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her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
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You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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