walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize