She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
