I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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