if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize