well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
