I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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