I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
