Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
