YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
