I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
