did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
soo... how was my night?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
