if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
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Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
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CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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