Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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