I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Randomize
