I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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