Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
