does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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