you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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