so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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