The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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