This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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