You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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