note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
