watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Such a big mess for such a small penis
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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