VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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