if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
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Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
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I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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