Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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