Got a toothbrush?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
my shit smells like andre
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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