I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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