You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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