the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
