In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
