Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
