IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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