And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
