It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
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I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize