Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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