my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize