You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
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I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
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Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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