a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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