Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize