i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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