She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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