New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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