apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
