The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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